Once in a lifetime...

The year was 2006.
I was young, and naive.
Time was running out, and I had a husband’s birthday coming up.
The decision was one made out of love and selflessness.
I purchased NASCAR tickets.
Now, if any of you really know me you'll know that all things
Pertaining to large cars/trucks that smash other vehicles,
Country hoe-downs, fried corn dog's and hog chases and such

are just not my cup a' tea. I claim to be refined.
I am told I am classy and sweet.
I wear deodorant every day.

So it was with great trepidation I went a long for the event.
Never in my life have I seen so many mullets and she-mullets.
Never in my life have I seen so many cut off shirts on rotund men.
Never in my life has someone spewed beer all over

the back of my body.
And the clincher...
Never in my life has anyone dared

to give my husband a card to a strip club.
Do you know what I did to that man with the card???
I took courage from my recent adventures in white trash land,
I told him it was sad that he had no one to go home too,

and I punched him.

Right in the face.
(I know you are all thinking anger management,

but it actually was one of the greatest moments in my life)
So darling husband,
Thank you for not suggesting that we go again this year.

Thank you for not even mentioning the race last weekend.
And thank you NASCAR, for being on HD TV

for my sweet Love to watch,

far away from your kind.