Blessed

{27 years 364 days and so happy)

Tomorrow is my 28th birthday. Most people celebrate their birthdays as a time to remember their birth, and I do, believe me. But for 10 years now, I have celebrated a second chance at life on my birthday. Today I celebrate 10 years of survival from a cancer that is not known for leaving many survivors. Today I celebrate the miraculous prayers, fasting, hope and tears that were offered by a family, a family of friends, a school, a church and a community.

When I first found out I had a brain tumor, I was with a friend at my home. I begged him to take me to Mexico, so that I wouldn’t have to face the reality of cancer. I was sure that running away would make it better. Today I celebrate my trial, and its teaching power. I faced my fear and since that time have faced many more. I have learned that running away from anything only makes you further from the truth, and from facing it. If you don’t face it, no one can help you, and you will die – whether that be a physical death or a spiritual death, they are the same.

There have been times that I have allowed myself to wonder why I was spared, when everyone around me going through chemotherapy and radiation would eventually die. Why was I so important and what did that mean for me? There have been times that I selfishly wished that I would have gone – as the other side seems so much more peaceful than this hard, cold and mean world – those times have come and gone with great speed.

I have appreciated my life so much more now that I see how quickly it can go. I appreciate my relationships so much more, and rarely let anyone out of my sight without telling them that I love them, and how I feel about them. My eyes rarely want to close, because the sights I see are so beautiful, and alive. Living life truly had a new meaning, and has changed my perspective of this mortal state.

The other night I was alone with Max, rocking him in his nursery. I had just fed him, and was feeling an overwhelming amount of love for him. In the background a soft melody played:

“Goodnight my angel, time to close your eyes And save
these questions for another day I think I know what you've been asking me I
think you know what I've been trying to say I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know Wherever you may go, no matter where you are

I never will be far away

Goodnight my angel, now it's time to sleep

And still so many things I want to say

Remember all the songs you sang for me

When we went sailing on an Emerald Bay

And like a boat out on the ocean I'm rocking you to
sleep The water's dark and deep inside this ancient heart

You'll always be a part of me

Goodnight my angel, now it's time to dream And dream how
wonderful your life will be Someday your child may cry, and if you sing this
lullaby Then in your heart, there will always be a part of me Someday we'll all
be gone, but lullabies go on and on They never die, that's how you and I will be.”

I listened to the words of this beautiful song, and as I looked into the face of my beautiful son through tears, I realized that if for only that moment I was meant to feel alive and the joy of being a mother then all the trials of this life are worth it.

I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister and a friend. I have been a student, an employee, a missionary, a teacher, and a professional. I have traveled the world, lived and studied in our Nations Capital, served in New York City and been at home in my Arizona. I have been blessed, and am so thankful that can celebrate 28 years and a new vision for my eternal life. I thank my Heavenly Father for how things have worked out in my life. I thank him for the faith of my father, the beauty and attitude of my mother, the strength of my husband and for his adoration for me (he really does adore me – I am so lucky!) and for the beautiful brown eyes of my baby boy that look into mine every day and night that speak to me – “…lead me guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way, teach me all that I must do, to live with him someday.”

I am blessed, and will always be sure to live it.

I want to be known as the woman who lived her life with happiness as her main objective, and service as her greatest tool. I want to be a friend who does not speak ill of anyone, and a wife who only cheers her darling husband on. I strive to be a woman of faith, and a woman of gratitude. I will just keep striving!

So – all in all, I am alive and feel more blessed than I ever have.
Happy Birth/Life day to me.